Hi everyone…long time no post right? Yeah…there’s been a lot going on lately. Let’s start from the beginning shall we?
My last post was in October of 2013, and since then my life has become a wild blur of transition and uncontrollable events. First off, in November I became an aunt! Yup, my big sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and they are both doing very well. 🙂 Then came December, which became a flurry of present purchasing and wrapping in preparation for Christmas. After that, obviously, was January…the month that turned my life completely upside down.
In the beginning of January, I was given my two week’s notice…yup, I was being let go. So now I was (essentially) unemployed, had just moved out of my parent’s house with my boyfriend and had two dogs to care for. But it was ok, I knew I could get another job, and that I would be fine. I had a great support system right? Not so much. While I always have my parents and siblings to go to for help and encouragement, I soon lost the one constant I thought I had in my life. My best friend, my anchor, my closest companion…at the end of January, the Boyfriend and I split up. I’m not going to go into details, as it really doesn’t matter anymore.
So for nearly two months (January & February) I was devastated. I had lost my job, and my boyfriend of 4 years as well! What was I supposed to do? I felt as if the world had been shaken up as if I was in a snowglobe, except the snow was so thick I could no longer see anything in front of me. I felt like the ground had been swept from beneath my feet, and I was falling, falling oh-so-quickly and yet slowly at the same time down a dark, damp, cold rabbit hole. Yes, that’s a good way of putting it.
I had become Alice. I fell down the rabbit hole and now I was in Wonderland, except the harsh reality of it all was that Wonderland was not so wonderful at all. Nothing made sense anymore. Who was I? Where was I? Which way did I go next? Who could I trust? What happened to me? I became so lost in my own depression, I slept for days without eating, only leaving my room to care for my dogs or get a little something to eat or drink. I felt so small and scared. I had been so certain of everything, and in a flash everything was no longer as it was before. Except for me, there was no white rabbit to guide me on my way. No grinning Cheshire cat to give me advice. No mad hatter and a tea party to give me hope. Not even a weird hookah-puffing caterpillar to tell me what to do. Only a crazed queen ordering her card soldiers to chase me and hold me down in the darkness. For a while I thought I’d never find my way back through the looking-glass of life.
Slowly though, I began to make sense of the madness surrounding me. I came to terms with what had become of me, and so in the third month (March) I decided to climb out of that smelly rabbit hole, brush myself off and get on my way. And so I did. I became more proactive with the hunt for a new job, I applied everywhere I could. I started to refocus my life on what mattered to me. My two dogs, my precious little nephew, and my own happiness. And it got better. I got a job interview, and in fact a new job…that I promptly quit because I realized it was too physically demanding for my body (it was a job at a large animal hospital, cleaning and sanitizing horse stalls). But I’m back at the drawing board, I’m not going to let that slow me down. And what’s more, I’m back to blogging.
I want to try to write more, do more…and I know it will be a slow process. And, I have to get some of the images on the blog back up…in a fit of depression-induced rage and frustration I deleted my nail art portfolio, nail polish collection, and warhammer figure sites…I am not proud to admit that. But things are going to change. I know they will. They have to, if I want to stay sane.