So I’m not going to lie to you guys, this week was kind of…meh. You ever get those weeks where all you do is question your entire life, or your existence? Yeah that was my week basically. I suppose you could say that I’m stuck between two parts of myself.
The first part is like, “yeah I’m almost 21, I’m in the prime of my life, I should be having fun and partying and enjoying being able to do whatever I want to do!”. The second part is well, telling me that I want to settle down and have a house and fiance and all that nonsense. Logic is telling me to listen to part number 1. But somehow I can’t quite smother the second part. Pretty annoying, actually.
But I’ve realized something about myself. I’ve realized, that by talking to myself (I know I risk looking like a crazy person when I do this…but oh well) I am more easily able to understand myself. To figure out what I need, and what I want. And by being able to differentiate between those two parts of me, I can now start to understand why I feel the way that I do. And more importantly, I can start teaching myself that no matter what happens, I’ll be ok.
And maybe that crazy second part of me is the part that is always comparing my life to that of my friends from school, who are mostly now at this point in their lives getting engaged to their long term significant other. Some already have kids, or are already married. And I guess there really isn’t anything to do but understand that it’s just not my time to have those thing yet. I’ve apparently got a lot more to do before I’m ready.
Which, in all honesty, is 100% true. I have a job, family things to tend to, my two dogs and a cat to love and care for. I have this lovely little blog to raise and nurture. And on top of that, I have a business that I’m trying to give life to. I’m different from the people I grew up with and around. I was meant for a different path…the road less traveled by, if you will. And while there lives are beautiful and they are doing exactly what they need to do, my path is different. The first step is to learn to accept that, and to stop expecting my path to follow theirs.
But I’ll quit my rambling for now ya’ll. It’s been a slow and very dull week. I hope for at least your sakes next week is more interesting. Unless of course you’re into this deep talk silliness.